Saturday, December 20, 2008

十七

十七岁的我,
在发什么梦?

十七岁的我,
在幻什么想?

十七岁的我,
懂什么是人生?

十七岁的我,
会做什么决定?

十七岁的我,
会怎样去面对?

十七岁的我,二十岁的我,三十岁的我。。。

现在三十岁的我也不知如何去解决, 去面对.

更何况十七岁的你。

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Friday, December 19, 2008

X'mas

Recently I had a chat with friend of mine bout Christmas gift. An old memory flashed out reminded me of my first Christmas gift. This memory put on smile and felt the warm deep down in my heart.

I basically grew up in a traditional Chinese family. Christmas never a celebration or anything fancy for us. All started from my new neighbor. Their two little girls are about the age of me and my little brother. We became close friends, those childhood kind of buddies.

Christmas was on the way, both of them were happily talking bout the Christmas gifts that they wish for. My brother and I got no idea how, but obviously both of us also wanted a Christmas gifts so much. Two little girls told us to put a sock at our bed and we surely get a present that we wish for the next morning. I was doubted during that time. How can that possible happen? Santa only exit in shopping mall how can he know what I want and where do I live?

On the Christmas eve, my brother and I put our dad old sock nearby the bed and headed off to sleep anxiously. We told each other we must stay awake to see how Santa able to come in or is it really he will bring us gift. Of course at that time, we easily fall asleep in less than 5 minutes. The next morning when we opened our eyes, there’s really a gift laid beside the socks!! We were thrilled and excited all about it! I got my dream Chinese chess set. We keep on asking Mr & Mrs Chan how the Santa able came in the house. How the Santa know what I want? Can Santa understand Chinese? Mr & Mrs Chan just ignored us and keep on smiling.

On the Christmas night itself, me and my brother got curious again whether Santa will come and visit us again? So that night we decided to put the socks up again. Two of us tried very hard to stay awake and of course fall asleep soon after that. Early the next morning, we found a big surprise. An ang pow for both us. That do looks weird! But as a kid we don’t bother that much and continue to question Mr & Mrs Chan with why? How? What?

After so many years, I almost forgotten bout this till recently. Its one of the sweetest thing Mr & Mrs Chan ever did for us. Both of them don’t want to see us disappointed and try their best to fulfill our wish. Christmas another week to go and of course Christmas gifts will be ready for those special ones.

Merry Christmas!

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Friday, December 5, 2008

Disappointment

Boy n girl got into fight again.
This is the numerous times where girl just get too disappointed with boy.
Girl keep on asking herself is she asking too much? Is she just being paranoid with small matters like this? Or is she just not important at all?

Few times where girl fall sick. She waited for boy’s call to check whether she is feeling better, but boy just never did. Boy will just continue the normal chat and eventually when girl brought it up and boy always came up with the excuse that he just about to ask her bout it. Somehow, girl clearly knew that he once again forget bout her sick. At that point of time, girl just feels disappointed.

Few occasions where girl went out till late at night. She hoping that boy will call to check whether she reaches home safely but boy just never does. When she finally call and ask, boy always said he is going to call. Again the girl feels no matter what boy said everything just seems doesn’t matter anymore. There are few times where girl just don’t call at all and boy also doesn’t bother to call. That night she slept herself with all the miserable feelings.

Deep down in girl’s heart it always filled up with disappointment. Girl always wondered why boy always remembered others safety but just not her. Girl do wonder sometimes, if one day something really happen to her then only boy will remember bout her? But by that time..it always too late. No matter how much of apologies, how much of sorry.. will never bring things back to the way it used to be.

More and more of disappointments do create lot of doubts. How much do boy really love girl? Is girl not important at all? Boy, don’t blame on girl why is she always don’t feel secure. Cause small things like that do somehow show the importance of someone in the loved one’s heart. When boy forgot just said forgot, cause with all the unnecessary explain it also cannot take away the disappointment.

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Sunday, November 23, 2008

Boston

迷上了augustana的”boston”.
喜欢这首旋律因为它不华巧,也不复杂
由钢琴轻轻弹出属于他的味道

丁丁当当的开场,
简简单单的音符,
轻轻快快的拍子,
干干净净的旋律。

Boston的歌词带点无奈,也有种不得已的情绪。
不舍得也不得不放手。
把复杂的情感,释放在简单的音符所写出的乐曲

同样的音符重复着弹在黑白键盘上
丁丁当当的旋律一直在脑海中,挥也挥不散。

当你听到 Boston 钢琴旋律的 ringing tone,
那手机。。。可能会是我 :)

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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Don

You and me, 2 complete stranger from different part of world.
You and me, from 2 different generation. (Fact is you are much OLDER ;p)
You and me, 2 of us in reality will never cross into each other.

Don’t know why,
Perhaps the boredom?
Perhaps the dullness?
Perhaps the curiosity?

The two strangers started to chat with each other in the virtual world.
From tiny little things to politics, dark little secrets to sharing, hobbies to food.
It’s been 2 years and I am glad that we still chatting though we never see each other in real.
This virtual friendship feels too fragile, Sounds so unreal, and yet I do appreciate your friendship.

Appreciate that you accept the “piggy” of me. (Always pig like you said)
Appreciate that you always tolerate the “aunty” in me. (I know I am naggy)
Appreciate that you listen to my grumble. (Those feeling down moment)
Appreciate that you actually put on my smile with your jokes. (Always)
Appreciate that you remember to sent me x’mas tree pictures. (Tiny little thing but its warm my heart).
Appreciate that you actually shared your dark secret with me. ( ^-^)
Appreciate that you actually admire my pieces. (I AM REALLY REALLY APPRECIATE THAT)
Appreciate that you actually confidence that I got talent. (Thank you very much)
Its unreal it’s fragile but I do find some special friendship between you and me.

Just in case you are not sure who you are, This is especially for you Uncle Don.
Thank you for always be my greatest uncle!

Merry merry xmas !

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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

放弃

从希望到渴望,演变成了失望。。。
放弃是唯一的解脱
我。。。放弃了。

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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

人和人之间有着微妙的牵连
我和你;你和我;我和他
我们之间都存着细细薄薄的缘分。

我们,
相遇不一定相识
相识也可能相知
相知也不一定相惜

从相遇,相识,相知到相惜
每一个过程都慢慢在考研着人与人之间那细薄的缘。
有缘不一定有分
有失望也有希望
有开心也有伤心

当身边的朋友逐渐的在减少,剩下的都是一班相知和相惜。
能相知也相惜是种福气。

谢谢您们,让我有这难得的福气。

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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Sense

I am sensible when I am having my drink.
I am realistic when I am not having any drink.

Buy me a drink if you want to hear some sense
Keep drink away if you just want to hear some craps.

Alcoholic? I am not.
Just the drink able to tickle my mind to be sensible.
Without drink I am just a typical realistic Capricorn.

Excuse? Excuses?

Just a thought that has been hiding down in my soul.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

缺陷

我的眼睛不大也不明亮,
但我喜欢用我不大也不明亮的眼睛去拍我喜欢的照。

我的手指短短又肥肥,
但我喜欢用我短短又肥肥的手指去弹出我的心情。

我的脚又粗粗也壮壮,
但我喜欢用我又粗粗也壮壮的脚去走天涯。

看着一班残障人仕,努力过着像平凡人的生活,
他们的人生走得比我们每一个人都更难,
敬佩残障人不轻易放弃的精神。

也庆幸,上天给了个四肢健全的我
虽不完美,但也不缺陷。

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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

窗外的雨由细细长长开始变的倾盆大雨,
喜欢细细长长的长命雨,因为赏心悦目;
不喜欢雷电交加的倾盆大雨,因为像似末日来临.
呻着口口的热茶,盼望着可以殴走身上的寒冷。
望着窗外赶雨的路人,庆幸自己不属要此狼狈。
有多久,没有一个人坐下来静静的发下呆,浪费下时间呢?

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Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Mr & Mrs Chan

Mr Chan is a very quiet person at home. He either sleeping or TV is his only entertainment. The only thing I aware about Mr Chan is he likes to hold Mrs. Chan’s hand wherever he goes.

Recession 1997,
Hits hard on my family, Mr Chan lost his job and I just finished my Form 5 and looking for opportunity to further my study.
Mr Chan leaves us back at hometown and came to KL to work in order to support the family, in order for me to further my study.
It’s still fresh in my mind how exhausted Mr Chan looks while he waited for me to pick him up from the bus stop. He rushed from work and travelled a long journey on the bus just to spend the weekend with me. I felt so bad when I saw Mr Chan in such tired look. We don’t communicate much, he only asks about my study. I am lack of words to tell Mr Chan how much it means for me. And of course from a typical conservative family, we never know how to say “I love you” and “thank you”.

Middle of 1997,
Mr Chan got an offer with much higher pay, but it’s far far away from home. To travel it takes 2 days. I thought Mrs. Chan will never let Mr Chan go. But Mrs. Chan insisted him to go for me and my brother’s future.

September 1997,
There he goes. Mrs. Chan was holding herself back real hard. I remember during that cloudy day, Mrs. Chan put on her shade and tears shed while she wave to Mr Chan.
In a total foreign country, foreign language, new environment and new culture Mr Chan forces himself to adapt in. Mr Chan is a family man who spent most his time at home. I don’t know how he copes with all the homesick, his lovely wife and all his children not around with him.

1998,
We missed Mr Chan a lot and I know he did too. I started to communicate with Mr Chan using email. Short letter of asking how is he over there. His reply is always the same. Talk about study and weather. Again he is the man with few words.

Millennium 1999,
That’s the 1st time the Chan family reunite after such a long period of separation. When I saw Mr Chan at airport, I was too excited and ran up to hug him. He was shocked of course his only response is laugh. We had the most wonderful holiday at this foreign country. Christmas, my birthday celebration and millennium count down was with the whole Chan family. That’s also the 1st time I received bouquet of flowers from Mr Chan. Nothing can be compare for the precious family time we had.

2000,
Mr Chan still with his standardize email format. But I keep on emailing him telling bout my life, my friends and my study. I know email could somehow help him to ease the feeling of homesick.

2004,
Finally I have graduated. We all asked Mr Chan to come home. And finally he is back for good.Relationship with Mr Chan is getting closer now. We can joke and talk like friends. We also enjoy beer and wine over the table. He loves coffee so I will bring him to Starbucks to favor his latte. He always asked bout the price and I always lied to him bout it.. I know if he know the price he will probably tell me he don’t like latte.

Present,
Mr Chan’s healths are kind of worrying. Not only one but few sickness came at same time. I hope for nothing but to pray hard that he will be healthy. No words could express my gratitude for Mr Chan and Mrs. Chan for what they did for us. Just both of them stay healthy and happy.

Love you two with my life.

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Friday, October 3, 2008

Mind


I’ve lost my words.
I’ve lost my sense.
I need to Refresh Rethink Rerun Relook Readjust
I pray hard that hopefully I will get u back in my mind soon.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Angel

In a bored working afternoon, time are just too slow to move on
Me staring at my monitor, plug in my Ipod
Playing an old song that never disappoints me.
This song always calm the deep lost soul of mine.
Piano, vocal and the feelings that brings out the peace of the song.

Angel- Sarah Mclachlan
Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

Try this song if you looking for some peace.

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Friday, September 12, 2008

车龙

每天一早便要面对长长的车龙。
每一辆车,每一副面孔,每一种不同的表情
有无奈的,有笑容的,有眼睡的,有暴躁的
赶时间时,长长的车龙是个大头痛。
不赶时,还挺享受的。
发下呆,唱下五音不全的歌,左看看,右看看,
长长的车龙也是个最佳沉思的时候。
你呢?

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Friday, September 5, 2008

Sorry

I am sorry that I didn’t be the one who comfort you when you are down.
I am sorry that I’ve hurt you with all my selfishness.
I am sorry that I know apologize can’t help with all the hurt that I’ve create.
I am sorry that both of us don’t share the same vision for our future
I am sorry that I really missed those days.
I am sorry because my heart is falling apart and my tears don’t seem to be stopped.

Sorry...

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Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Holiday

Dearest holiday,

Haven’t heard from you in a while, how are you doing over there in the beautiful heaven? I am sure you enjoying each of the minutes, each of the seconds that you are having.

I miss you terribly. I need you desperately. I wish right at this moment I am lying in your arm put on my shade, drinking chilled beer, put on my favorite soft jazz and enjoying the sea breeze under the blue blue sky. In your arm, I am totally relaxed. No stress no work no traffic no pollution. It’s just about me and my own self. Close my eyes and feel the breeze....

Cruel reality slaps me real hard that I am still stuck in my cubicle looking at my screen. Stress still there, workload still await for me, traffic still bad everyday and sky never as blue as yours. And you holiday nowhere to be seen. I am so depressed cause I am still here.

Right at this moment I wish you are here with me, dearest holiday.

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Sunday, August 31, 2008

Joke

Recently a friend of mine got pretty upset with the comment that being made from so called friends who around her.
I wonder whether there is any bottom line for jokes that we always made. Using friend’s weakness as a topic to joke around it’s not sensitive at all. Put yourself in the shoes of the one who being joke around by everybody, how would you feel about it? Don’t you feel upset? Don’t you start questioning is it you are really that bad? You try to ignore the joke but people around you keep on bringing it up. You will start wondering whether it is the truth that how’s everybody look at you. Confidence, questions, doubts, negative elements will definitely haunt you down. Laugh at a joke will make you happy for a moment, but laughing at other’s weakness will affect the emotion of hers.

I believe true friend don’t do that to their friends. And I believe in karma too. There is always a bottom line for everything. If the joke do hurt others feeling and it’s not joke anymore. Think twice before you actually made those comments to others. Be sensitive and considerate.


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童心

朋友都说我一点酷,一点冷。
酷酷的我总是对身边的事有所保留。
第一次接触可爱卡通文具时,冷冷的心被可爱卡通软化了。
原来酷酷的我也藏有童真。
看着可爱卡通文具,我爱不释手。
握着可爱卡通文具,我也不自觉的满足。
色彩斑斓的文具,让沉闷的工作有点点的生气。
原来心底下藏着我从不认识的童真。

我在旅行时的意收获





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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

过去

迷失,总有一天也会找到出口
痛,总有一天也会过去
泪,总有一天也会流干

是时间吧。。。一切都会过去。
人生也不过是如此。

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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

别问

别问我风的方向在那里,
因为我也迷失在风里。

别问我雨下的有多大,
因为我也感觉不到雨打的痛。

别问我太阳有多热,
因为我也分不清流的是汗还是泪。

别问,什么也别问
因为我什么也不想答。。

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漫长的等待,毫无目标的等待;
等的我心也灰了,等的我也想放弃了
不知自己等的是个失望,或是等另一个毫无限期的等待。
等。。。 一直都在等。。。
终点是否在前方? 或是终点一直都只是自己的一厢情愿。

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Wednesday, August 6, 2008

你不是没感情, 你也不是冷血。
你只是把自己掩饰的好, 不带任何情绪.
连你的眼神也看不出点点滴滴。
是什么让你把自己完全封闭起来,
不带任何情绪, 任何感情?
还记得,你上一次打从心里笑是什么时候吗?
还记得,你上一次是什么让你的心软了吗?

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Tuesday, August 5, 2008

步伐

想飞的心,却因为失去重心而飞不起。
想逃的脚,却因为被绊着而逃不到。

想飞想逃,却发现自己原来还在原地踏步.
飞不起,逃不掉,只好坦然去面对.

把心的重心放回原位,把绊着的脚 站立起来。

踏了第一步,接二连三的步伐应该会更踏实.

加油!

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Saturday, August 2, 2008

~(-_-)~

佳 @ 人土土
妈名我为佳,希望我变个佳人。
佳人变不成, 却变个人土土。
想个斯文端庄的佳人,却变了粗子大叶的人土土。
三个儿子,却像有四个儿子。
气砸她老人家。
佳也好,人土土也好,
放过我吧! 别在念了.
让我做个舒舒服服的人土土吧!

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Thursday, July 31, 2008

遗失

当你拥有全世界时,仿佛你都不缺任何东西。
当你在夜深人静时,你却发现你遗失了你的心。

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Tuesday, July 29, 2008

人生

当你对生活感到失望时,你失去了生气
当你对工作感到烦闷时,你失去了目标
当你对人生感到底落时,你失去了方向
但是,
当我找到希望时,我又重有了朝气
当我找到目标时,我又重有了机会
当我找到出路时,我又重有了曦光
起起落落本就是人生一部份
就因为这起起落落而造就成今天的自己
不完美,也不缺陷
当我回头看,这一路走来
都是自己一步一脚印走出来的路
那完完全全属于自己的人生 。

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Monday, July 28, 2008

Colors

I used to force you to ask me what my favorite color is. And after you repeated my question I will ask you back what do you think my favorite color is?Ended up you cracked your head and lot of colors being guessed.

Finally and finally I am happy and enough of tortured you with your unsatisfactory answers I happily announced that I don’t have any favorite colors and there you will showed me your “chicken” face. ^_^ It always made me laughed.

I am greedy. I love almost all the soft colors.
Soft pink, soft blue, soft green, soft purple…imagine when all the soft colors combine, it will just made me melt. It will also turn me back to the little girl whom I used to wonder in my dreamland. Soft colors made me gone crazy, because it will lead me to grab everything back and put in my own room.

Do you still remember what my favorite color is?

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Saturday, July 26, 2008

Slideshow

Finally and finally my slideshow is up !

Would like to invite you all to see my world as I see through my eyes.

Probably it’s not up to any standard, but it just some humble pieces from me.

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Friday, July 25, 2008

明白(2)

是明是白,也不就是个明白
似明似白, 也不是非明非白
事实,还不是个明个白
倒不如,分个明明白白。

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

明白

明白和不明白真的如此重要吗?
明白和不明白,也不过是个明白;
白明的不明白,不白明的明白;
结果还不是个明明白白。

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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Companion


Love the feeling to be back at home.

This trip itself was filled with laughter, joy, fun, totally relaxes while having mom’s cooking and most importantly was the companion of you gals whom I always treasured with my heart. This time itself it helped me to look back the half decade of our life spend together. It's not like I dont enjoy myself each time I went back but probably I felt the most at this trip due to some stress I have been having over here.

We had fun at beach, big splendor seafood dinner, drinking party, more food and more drink. As usual we always caught attention for our loud loud laugh. We do worried that those aunties and uncles going to complain to our parents about us (But all of our parents know it wells, we gone out of control when we all gathered together) so fun goes on with all the jokes and laughter.
After all these years we still behave the same old us. Talk loud as if we are the only group of people around, laugh extremely loud at our own jokes, drink like nobody business and enjoy our food to the maximum. And of course the joyful moment was when we went back to our secondary school. The place that we always proud of and also the place who trained us to be who we are today. Girl school doesn’t train us to be a gentle lady who speak softly (none of us on the list behave that way uh?) but our dearest principal sister did drill and trained us to be a tough and independent woman. Under the sun for few hours, heavy lifting work, clear the bush, open a thrill behind the jungle, fixing, hammering and etc. Sewing always seems like a problem for us, somehow we are better in handling a hammer rather than a needle. Well that’s how those experiences form us to be who we are today. Gals, I am always proud with you all.
I am not sure how’s life going to be without the existence of you all. One thing for sure, every time I looked back, it always filled up with laughter and sweet memories. Perhaps we should plan a big grand gathering next year where every one of us will officially turn 30. A great excuse to celebrate for all the soon coming aunties.

Love you all dearly with my heart.

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Sunday, July 20, 2008

Immoral

Get to know some “bad” news recently that caught me real wonder. Friend involved in a not so healthy relationship, and that’s what we called third party.

All the while I am not a strong believer of marriage.
I don’t believe the promise that made in front of god.
I don’t believe in forever as I am too old to believe the fantasy.
I wonder whether “loyalty” still exists in this world that full of seduction or temptation.

All these incidents proof that what I don’t believe in are somehow accurate at some points.

She told me she is not a young girl who got cheated or being fools by married man. She knows it well what is she doing and what is she looking for. She doesn’t ask for forever or to demand any promise from him. She is looking for what she feels happy at this current period and it obviously sounds selfish. She said we all human are selfish when come to own feelings and I don’t deny that. I know her pretty well, she always a strong and smart woman who knows what she wants in life. Morally, she knows clearly that she do wrong but mentally she need someone to be there and he looks right for her at this time.

I keep myself thinking for the whole conversation. I understand well that she told me bout it is not to ask my opinion about the relationship but she thinks I should know what’s going on in her life. She knows it well what is wrong and I don’t think she need more comments about it. She made decision to choose this path, and both of us clearly know this relationship doesn’t lead to anywhere. As a close friend of hers, probably you think I should stop her or say something. But I know her pretty well, she doesn’t need all those from me. I am not saying that I am being supportive with her in this relationship or being opposed to it. I keep myself neutral and when she finally makes her final move, she will always know where to look for me. I’ve always amazed with her recovery status, that’s why I never worried bout her.

I clearly understand that being selfish at our own always hurts innocent people. I am wondering how many couples out there who sworn on their vow are really mean what they swear. Or the vow it just a formality procedure for the process. I am confused. Why force yourself to swear on the vow and you clearly understand that you don’t mean it. Caught in this situation, morally we all know its wrong its hell and its bad but we just can’t resist to say no. Thousand of excuses are given just to feel better for all the guilt. But we all clearly understand that it never help and it hurts more.

Towards the years, meaning of marriage got faded and I think I have my own valid reason not to believe in it.

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Friday, July 18, 2008

Clue


Picture mean thousand of words and it always able to tell what's on my mind.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

回家


天比想象中的还要蔚蓝
云比想象中的还要轻浮
在千万高方的高空中
兴奋的感觉满满在心上
开心的感觉围绕着自己
想念着妈妈香香的饭
想念着爸爸的大肚腩
想念着永远舒服的家
想念着家里的钢琴
想念着二十年的老友
想家,想爸,想妈,想着一班老友
家。。。就在两个小时后。

我回家了!!!!!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Relax


Don’t ask me where am I..
I just back to my heaven…
Don’t wake me up as I am enjoying the
Blue blue sky.
Orange orange sunset.
White white cloud.
Yellow yellow sunrise.

I will be back to my life soon..

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Friday, July 11, 2008

Sunshine

I used to believe in fairy tales,
I used to be a believer of “forever”,
U made me believe that I am the only one.
But you are also the one who destroyed all my beliefs.

You asked for my hand as you will be my side whenever I need you.
You asked for my heart as you will be there for me for forever.
You asked for my soul as you will care for it as it’s the only precious one.

Hand touched you,
Heart gave to you,
Soul surrendered to you.

And I left nothing for myself…

Never ever think that you will let go of my hand.
Never ever think that you will break my heart.
Never ever think that you will leave my soul right behind.

And the truth is you already did

I trusted you
I have faith with you
I am confidence with you

And now I bear the consequences of my naïve ness.

I am a fool for you
I am a dumb for you
I am just a passed time for you

Tell me the truth don’t let me drowning like a fool.
Tell me what’s going on don’t let me lost in the so called "fantasy".

Please return me that some leftover pride of myself.
I just got to use my head lead me back on track.

I believe I can and I will be one...

P/S: You know well this is especially for you. Be strong and sunhine will always be there after the rain.

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

Indulge

Finally, I am able to breathe a little.
Finally, I am able to start wondering where’s my life has gone.
Finally and finally, I am able to sit right here peacefully to lost myself in my own tiny world.

Life has been drowning with work and I have lost myself in between.
During that hectic period, my soul was being invaded.

Got addicted with caffeine,
Got insane with Jazz music,
Even alcohol consumption is increasing greatly.

Addiction doesn’t sounds as evil as I always thought.
It actually let me found some great things in life which I have bypassed it.
Found myself drowning into great vocal with the companion of wine.
Friends whom share the same preference as me fall so much in love with all these addictions.

Work never finished as I wish, Life never stopped as I hope it will
But during the depression moment I found lights that accompany me throughout the whole depressing journey.

Life goes on, works goes on too but I know in future, caffeine, jazz and alcohol will be in my life to play a big role.

I know I can count on caffeine to ease my nerve.
I know I can rely on Jazz to calm my soul.
And of course I know well that alcohol able to relax my mind.

I am grateful with all these new indulges.

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Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Craps

Dearest “raw data”,

I never like you nor dislike you. Feelings towards you are contradicted.
Is that what we called love and hate feelings? If so, that really ain’t an easy relationship I am having.

Whenever I see you, I always want to run away from you. But reality I can’t! Got to sit right tight with you to start a long and pain ass journey. Beside that you are the sources of my living.

Sometimes I wish you always appear as my clean data. At least I will be appreciating just to convert you into figures and percentages. But it caught me wonder whether how significance the figures are? Is the percentage are valid? How is it going to affect the brand awareness? Thousands of thousands of questions keep questioning me back. Validity? Consistency? Quota? ……

To my beloved readers who reading this, I am pretty much appreciate that you all are actually reading this. I am just writing craps in a working afternoon where my alcohol level is par with my caffeine level.

Forgive me!

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Sunday, July 6, 2008

音乐

城市还是热闹的,脚步还是匆忙的,时间还是不够的,周围的人还是奔波的;
我的心情还是浮躁的。

都不要紧,

生活还是继续,工作还是继续,品酒的感觉还是继续,音乐还是继续,
让听觉享受音乐带来的安抚,让心静静的在回真实自己。

音乐带出埋藏在心底已久的情感,是幻想,是迷茫,是矛盾,是感性

柔柔的音律溶入进我呼吸的空气里,忘却了时间,忘却了现实,却找回埋藏已久的感性。

这个夜晚属于酒,属于音乐,属于自己,属于怀念,属于沉醉。

干了,这个夜晚。。。

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享受

喜欢一个人静静的坐在我乱乱的书桌对着电脑
喜欢一个人静静的呆在厅里看书面对着高速公路
喜欢一个人坐在房里闭上眼睛听着我最爱的音乐
喜欢一个人在不用工作的早上来杯我最爱的热可可

一个人并不寂寞,一个人可以很自由
一个人并不孤单,一个人也可以很享受

朋友说那是悲哀, 而我认为那是生活的一部份
叫我 loneranger 吧!

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Saturday, July 5, 2008

Death


Dear stranger,

You and I are strangers that never come across to each other. You never know my existence and I never know yours till I overheard about your news.
I am not sure why but somehow the news about you do touch the deep emotion of mine.

Forgive me that I have done some research little things about you.
You looks happy, you looks young, you looks energetic, you looks confidence! Life are just too short for someone like you who appreciate the value of life, treasure the nature and cherish buddies that came in to your life.

It showed that your last login was 2 days ago. I was thinking how would you feel if you were ever know that will be your last time to login and see all the precious moments in your life? How hard is it just to leave all your beloved families and buddies behind you? It just too heart broken for me just to think bout this. Is this what we called it as destiny?
Master Yoda say: Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the force.

I pray hard that you find peace in your eternity life.

May your soul rest in peace.

From a stranger.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Insane

Call me Insane…Cause that’s who I am right now

Thats the last thing on my mind before I go sleep and thats also the first thing I think of when I open my eyes from my bed in the morning.

I am addicted, and too weak to get over it;
I am crazy, and keep on repeating it;
I am drowning, into the world of it;
I am in love, falling head over heel for it;
I am hopeless, cause I can’t think of other thing else but it;
& I am real insane cause
I AM ADDICTED, CRAZY, DROWNING, IN LOVE and HOPELESS
I just cant help myself falling into it…..

A night with wonderful vocal in Jazz ; What else more I could ask for..
That’s the most perfect combination I ever had

Cheers, For all the Jazz lovers.

Monday, June 30, 2008

天是灰的,是因为我对你灰了心;
树是棕的,是因为我对你枯了心;
花是红的,是因为我对你伤了心;

灰了的心,枯了的心;伤了的心;
是你,自私的心;忽劣的心;花心的心;
所造成我对你绝了心。

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Sunday, June 29, 2008


我会是你停泊依靠的树?
还是
我只是个让你抓模不定的影?
树的影;影的树;你的影;我的影
我的影是你的影? 或你的影和我的影只是面对面擦身而过。

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分享

无意中,看到老弟的 blog
想起了好多回忆,他带了我去好多我压根儿也不会去的地方。
黑风洞,独立广场,鸟园,吉隆坡塔,城市里的森林, …..

记得那一趟去的城市森林,老弟一大早就吵我起身。不甘心的脸黑黑从家里出门,而老弟却是一脸兴奋。
一整个路程我都在呱呱叫。蚊子不停的吻着我,长长的梯级等着我,汗流满身的我,肚子饿的我。。
老弟一路和我解析树的名,草的名(那是他专业),而我应酬的点头,及 oh oh oh… 我关心的是几点到和肚子饿。。

终于到了,也用捷径顺便到吉隆坡塔去。
谢谢你,带我去看了吉隆坡很美的一面,
也谢谢你,带给了我满满的回忆。

想和你说,
对不起,老姐不懂的如何和你分享你熟悉森林的味道也不懂的那根草那棵树。
也对不起,老姐让你失望了。我明白那种找不到分享对象的无奈和失落。

你下次回来,我们再去拍些好照片。花草树木医生!!

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Thursday, June 26, 2008

电影

曾经,以为电影是一种最浪漫的享受
也曾经,以为电影是一种最幸福的感触
也曾经,以为电影是一种最快乐的二人时光

曾经的以为已变成了现今的沉睡
曾经的曾经也变成了一种成长
曾经的天真也变成了今天的无奈

一个人排队买票
一个人对号入座
一个人的零食
一个人的电影
一个人静静的看戏
也一个人沉醉在电影情节里
短短的两个小时,随遇而飞,随遇而想,天马行空,游走荡扬

其实一个人的电影并不是想像中的孤单。

Thankful

For once, I thought I have to walk my path along with my shadow;
For once, I thought I have to hide all my emotions deep together with my soul;
And for once, I thought I have to be independent and strong all by myself.

Somehow and somewhere, you just appear in my journey.

You showed me that journey of life shouldn’t’ be walking alone but to be hand in hand with someone special;
You showed me that by showing all the emotions it’s the most wonderful expression on earth especially for those who appreciate them;
You showed me that it’s ok to be dependence with someone whom you can count on and trust.

I thank god that he bring you into my life and I am just too grateful for Your
Affection that melts my heart;
Believes in me that I can;
Cares that always warm my heart;
Dedication that make me proud of;
Eyes that always looks deep into me;
Forgiveness that I might cross the line;
Gives unconditionally that never asks for return;
Helps whenever I need you;
“I love you” just before sleep;
Just be with me;
Knowledge that makes me a little smarter;
Love that makes me the happiest people on the earth;
Mood that always enlighten me;
Patience that touches me;
Quiets my fears when I am lost;
Raises my spirit when I am down;
Stability that makes me feels secure;
Tolerance when I am just being unreasonable;
Understanding towards the stubborn me;
Values me as who I am;
Walks into my life;
X-plan me things that I don’t understand;
Yells at me when I wouldn’t listen;
Zap me back to reality when I start dreaming away;

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Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Julie

She is one of the closest buddy of mine
She is one of the talkative one when she is in her mood
She is one of the act cute when our age slowly catching up
She is one of the best clubbing kaki I ever have
She is one of the one who looks angel but in deep an evil

From primary to secondary
We spent most our school days together
Lunch, tuition, lepaking and DREAMING

From secondary to college
We almost see each other 24 hrs seven days except when she or me in the toilet
New college life, new friends and new relationship as well

From college to Uni
We still see each other very often
Though we are different major but we always got time to be together

From Uni to real world
We staying under same roof
And there all of us develop a family relationship

Our friendship started more than 10 yrs ago
I know I can count on u & u know u can do the same
Though both of us separated by the sea but u always on my mind

Cheers for our friendship! May all the best to u in everything.

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Athelyn

She is bubbly;
She is cheerful;
She is thoughtful;
She is funny;
She is the lyn lyn that I have known her for the past decade of my life.
She always laughs at her own joke before she able to tell us the whole thing, ended up she laughing at her own and we were half way hanging don't know what is it all about.
She used to have very bad temper during school time, smashed table, yealling at people early in the morning and let her temper out towards us- her only victims.
She also always showed us the wrong direction when we were on the road. Either a big turning or ended up lost in a city.
She will only call you when she needs you to share a present for our friends.
I know her since she is "pok pok choi" and till now become "lao choi".
Her temper now is the coolest among us.
I know she is one of my buddies whom I can count on whenever I need her.
I do miss your companionship and of course I know u miss my moms chicken wing.
Here I am to wish u a very Happy Birthday to my dearest Lyn Lyn

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Awakening

Dreamland, is the place where I live in
Reality, is the place where I run away from
Difference within dream and real is only a line
Choose to dream and choose to be real is the matter of adjustment
Adjustment within difference of the line ain’t just a step forward or a step backward
Is time to move on or should I keep on wandering in the place where I m happy and used to
Some said its not easy to be happy why move?
Some said u never try how do u know u will be happier or not?
I am still seeking a heaven where sincerity it’s the laws, smile is the language and appreciation is the habit.

Dream a little dream when the night still young.
Heaven nowhere to be seen, and me got to move on
Step forward or step backward?
Think……..

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Disappointment

I am safe in my own box, u came and said Hi
I m happy in my own box, u came and spend more time wandering around my box
I have no desire outside the world of my box, u came and tell me the wonders of the world


It’s my fault that I started to imagine how the world out there
It’s my bad that I start thinking to leave the box
It’s my mistake that I thought u will be different than others who used to tell me bout the world

Finally and finally when I step out of it…………

World are just cruel, sweet words always turns to lies when it comes to real.


I will back to my own box and tell myself be happy with what you have.

Back to my own castle and life goes on.

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Sunday, April 13, 2008

Forward

There's moment in life where u think u should start to think to move forward.

There's moment in life where u think u should begin wth something more meaningful.

There's moment in life where u think u should start to be serious with life.

I aint sure when is your moment for this particular moment, But for me..

Right now to step one step forward its all on my mind.

A step or few steps forward I aint sure..but it's take huge courage to move even just a step.

People always said the 1st step always the hardest. For me to think to step the 1st step is

already too hard to handle.

EIther to continue like this or to move out from the comfort zone to seek for more exposure.Do something that I've been dreaming of or do something that I aint comfortable to do.

Another word to move out from the comfort zone..

I aint sure how's future of mine gonna be like... But wish me luck.